Still water runs deep- Jeevika's psyche

Felt like posting it here.. coz after ages I felt like I was writing post a MB epi.. in the evening.. melancholy surrounding me.. revisited some of those emotions.. 

it was everybody's guess that the ME lay on the shoulders of the girls - in a REVELATION and THE reaction ... the build up had been promising and tbh I was just as jittery and nervous coz it was KDs big day.. let me just start off with the denouement that she surpassed my expectations.. I am PROUD of her today .. but at the same time I would not be doing justice if I did not commend the team for the stand alone revelation scene if not any other in the epi.. The last time I had connected to a behna scene in how poignant and prosaic it was - was the chuda rasam and the KHNH song.. back then what had simply caught my fancy was the ability to emote through eyes.. and I silently took to observing KDs range.. sadly she did not get that kinda scope till today.. and SHE DELIVERED.. kudos.. 

so take this as a tribute post to a surreal aspect of Jeevika that came through today.. MULTIPLICITY and Melange  of emotions.. DANCING in the eyes.. sometimes overflowing.. but hitting every note if I may say.. in the complexity.. such that I am having to tribute a classic by Mirza Ghalib (sung by Jagjit Singh later) for Jeevika's moment ...

Hazaaron Khwahishein aisi.. ki har khwahish pe dum nikle

bahut nikle mere armaan.. magar phir bhi kam nikle.. 

she had been fiddling with her angst.. her fear.. that found its climax as she stared at the revelation that every family member knew about it.. and she was CHOSEN to be the last.. the FEAR PEAKED.. she got edgy, at some point feigned annoyance and blackmailed emotionally, showing hopelessness just to get the truth out.. More than hurt, disappointment the dark mist of fear had encapsulated her.. and one could see it in her eyes.. as she sat there lifeless.. a part of her had already died at the supposed comprehension that this was more serious than she had given herself courage to imagine.. she flickered for a minute as Manvi entered and sat down.. she urged her to talk.. the lines of I will resolve everything.. I promise were half hearted reassurance to HERSELF in the wake of the magnanimity... she got all the more angsty.. of the reaction.. waging a big storm that suddenly stopped as the word resonated in her psyche.. CANCER... BLOOD CANCER.. this was IT.. saying that her worst fears came true was an euphemism.. coz her worst  fears would have ended long before this reality.. 

COMFORTABLY NUMB.. she sat there.. as her brain had stopped processing any information.. till it DAWNED .. the BIG REVELATION.. the LIFE DEFINING MOMENT.. I generally dont cry.. but I shed a few tears as the fb played..  her whole life danced in front of her eyes.. and somewhere.. she SAW THE WHOLE ESSENCE.. she saw the PURPOSE of her being.. her upbringing from her childhood in that moment.. in that disgusting humor that life played with them since they were too young to understand.. her mother's voice played implying this was predestined.. that she HAD TO SHAPE UP to be THIS JEEVIKA.. coz one day she was meant to stare at this moment and take it up.. there was NO OTHER OPTION.. it was like she was trained all her life.. to face this very moment.. 

It was SURREAL when that comprehension came.. all she saw was  her little sister sobbing in front of her.. and she knew her purpose.. out of instinct in spite of the consuming numbness she wiped those tears and put a hand on her head- a sheltering hand.. a comforting hand.. her eyes still resonating DISBELIEF.. 

the rest was just an automated reaction as she resumed her duty.. her purpose.. of being the WALL of resilient force in her sister's life.. she soothed her sister from excess baggage she did not need to partake if life's humor wasn't bad enough.. the constant repetition of nothing would ever befall on you.. i wont let it.. was also a self assurance and banging it into her psyche..   

I simply loved how Viren could see through the plethora of phases she was in- beyond her words.. beyond her brave front.. although it wasnt the best point of a breakdown yet.. coz somewhere Jeevika hadnt come to terms with it and was in a certain denial.. I would have liked a simple closure to the scene where Viren is standing alone with her.. ideally he could have moved forward to approach her.. while she blocked access through her eyes and body language.. an editing glitch here.. 

the rest of the episode especially the song was an interlude.. it left zilch impact amidst the somber  tone just coz it was that consuming.. all through it.. my attention was focussed at Jeevika's lifeless eyes.. that still caught my notice by its recalcitrance of I HAVE TO COME TO TERMS .. just coz she had no time.. of performing her duty.. 

nikalanaa Khuld se aadam kaa sunate aaye hain lekin
bahut beaabaruu hokar tere kuuche se ham nikale 

(heard of humans emanating from the doors of heaven

but I walked out of your (destiny's) room digraced)

till the whole energy made her tired .. her frame couldnt hold it anymore.. and I absolutely love the Virat-jeevika bit where the whole interplay was soo poignant.. Virat's apt reading of it.. yet giving her the space to deal with it by herself coz it wasnt his place and also coz she had to do it by herself.. I liked how she still tried to reason with life's unpredictability.. but in the stubborn resolve that all laws are inapplicable when it comes to her lil baby.. 

the climax to me was APT in her tired frame walking to her room in isolation.. finally giving into the moment.. where she couldnt quite deal with how her honor of being had been threatened in a day's worth.. all the restlessness.. fear.. turmoil.. she bore from the time  she came to hear of Manvi's refusal to donate blood.. just de-robed at that point (the fbs werent even needed.. neither was the shower.. her eyes and body language would have sealed the deal) but the jitters playing with the shower knob.. trying hard.. her essence choking was extra-ordinary.. 

Eagerly awaiting her downpour in Viren's shelter.. Jeevika came a full circle in life today.. but she needs that assurance that she has an emotional shelter.. a protection somewhere too.. I have hopes from this scene.. fingers crossed.. 

If I didnt say it loud enough.. let me put it this way.. I see it as the director's credit to see his actor's USP and the director here used KDs USP - her eyes rather well as a canvas to paint his vision.. no lines needed.. silence spoke.. eyes reflected.. portrayed and REVEALED.. yet GUARDED.. today took EHM to another level.. 

Signing off..